building a bridge through simple conversations

this relationship.
it started the healing process 2 years, 1 month, 1 week, and a day ago. i know the time like a former alcoholic knows how many days they've been sober. because like alcoholics on that day the process started i began a different life that was new, and scary, yet ultimately good for me.

the relationship is the one i have with my dad.
the process... still in progress, but moving more easily. the steps i take now are not as awkward. it's a comfortable pace. the emails have all but ceased, and a weekly 2 hour conversation has started along with a scattered sending of text messages. i can easily say i am loving talking to my dad. every girl needs her dad, and i'm slowly seeing a real relationship with mine. i look forward to talking to my dad now, as opposed to even a few months ago where i dreaded the awkward conversation. but now... it's so easy. we talk about everything. i tell him about me growing up, and stories... essentially telling him who i am. he tells me what he wants me to see in L.A. it's such a simple conversation, but i can feel it building the connection across this gap that's been there for so long. it's been there so long that it's less of a gap, and more the size of the Grand Canyon. it's just good for me. i would have been a good daddy's girl. i'm not... but i can tell that if i'd had him around my whole life i easily could have had what every little girl craves, and what every father doesn't realize he was missing out on until he experiences it. and that's a girl who thinks he's the world, and a man who belives she can do anything she dreams. this hard heart to this aspect is slowly being chipped away at, but i'm okay with that. finally...

the thing is... i'm fascinated by the life he lives in L.A. i'm fascinated because he talks about things i've dreamed about. i can see myself in L.A. he has no idea that i feel that way, and he won't... at least until i make a decision on if i'm going to move out there. it's definitely attractive to move there.

my only problem i still have is when he uses the phraase "it's good to know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree". and trust me... he uses it at least once a phone conversation. it cuts when he says it. i do, but i dont, know why. part of me thinks he has nothing to do with the way i am... yet he does. if he hadn't left my life would not be what it is now. for that, in a weird way, i'm thankful. i like my life. my friends. my family [mostly]. my school. i wouldn't know any of this if my parents hadn't got a divorce. the thing is, when he says that, it's not just him. i've strived for a long time to never be like either of my parents. yet as i look at my life, and compare it to the life my dad has lived [at least during his college days especially while he was at OBU] my life is taking a eerily similar path. even my major, and the struggle over if i chose the right one.

i could write more. however, it's almost 1:30. i have a test at 10 [that has yet to be studied for], and i have to go to a non--campus library with a friend at 8:30 for a research paper due the 25th.

oh the life of a college student.