coping?

not so much. more like numbing myself. i'm not handling this as well as i thought. i'm still quiet, as hard as i'm trying to pretend to be okay, and i've just kind of fallen into myself. i've started working out in the morning... at like 5:30 because i just don't like working out at night. and i'm glad i'm up that early because it gives me an excuse to go to bed early, and avoid talking to my roommate. one of my best friends. but i can't talk about it. i can't even tolerate listening to news previews about teachers who molested students. it rips me apart. i can't even say the word pedophile because i know one now. i think that i'm coping, and than i realize that i'm just kind of shutting down. i listen. i respond with what i'm suppose to. then i just sit. it's when i get still, and not busy that i realize i'm not great. and the only person that really gets it is my mom. and my co-workers know that i'm just trying to get through this. i feel like i shouldn't be taking this all so hard... but i am. maybe i'm over-reacting.

i'm going to the delph this weekend to see friends for Tunes, and watch Tunes [instead of participating] for the first time in 3 years. i'm so excited to get to watch even though i miss being part of it. i also get to see my friends, most of whom, i haven't seen since december. i've missed them. plus i just need to get out of searcy for a couple of days. this should be good for me. can't wait. :)