saddened

oh how my heart is aching right now.
my eyes feel heavy with tears that i need to cry, but am holding back until i'm alone. i can't even speak.
a devastating blow happened to my precious Kanakuk. it wasn't at my Kamp, but still... we are one. we're a family. a director from one of kamps was accused, and confessed, to child molestation. no idea how many. i think a 2. but i'm seriously heart broken. i can't even wrap my head around it. i was actually having a good night. watched a fun movie, texted a boy that i'm kind of falling for [which ironically is another problem], and then i got this text message that kind of crumbled me. i can't talk about it without a lump in my throat... i can't even think or read about it. i'm fairly certain my roomy is aggravated at my sudden, broody mood. i'm just trying to save face.

and about this boy... i kind of, accidentally, fell for him. we get along well. but a] i refuse to "missionary date" as a former small group leader put it. cause he for sure does things i am not okay with... and b]... well... he's engaged. but doesn't want to be. and it's just a messed up situation. and just for future reference... he does not [to my knowledge] reciprocate the feelings i have for him. and i would NEVER tell him because i will NOT be that girl. i've known too many people who were "that girl" and i will not join the club. so tonight was just a hard night.

if anyone reads this please pray for Kanakuk Kamps, and the situation that we are all facing right now.