this past week has been rough. saturday was not terrible. sunday was not good. and things have been a little better this week... but last tuesday through friday... they were no bueno. i seriously wasn't sleeping, eating, nothing. it was bad enough that my supervisor called my mom one day and told her how worried she was about me. my mom assured her i just had to sift through. surprisingly my mom understood... in a big way. people don't seem to understand that this bad mood, and being upset is not a couple of day thing... because this situation is not a coupe of day thing.
i was talking to my mom tonight [which is when i found out about my supervisor called her], and i was like no one gets that every time i get on my computer i want to type in pete's name and find out what's going on with the whole situation. no one understands how much Kanakuk is my world. i love Kanakuk, and it's done so much good for me. and no one gets it. and i understand that, but don't act weird and offended when i'm not talking a lot. this situation is killing me. i'm on a fence of seeing this guy as a horrible person... a pedophile technically... or seeing him as a guy that just got attacked by Satan in a bad way and gave in. we've all given into Satan at some point. it's just a situation that i can't wrap my head around still. no one can talk about it, and it consumes my thoughts. and i'm not okay. i'm better than last week... but i'm not okay. and i wish people would just accept that and just be there in my silence.
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