pre-mother's day madness

i got home this afternoon about 1:15. by 3 me and my mother were well into a fight. she had been short with me all morning when i would call, and once i got home with all my stuff from school it only got worse.

she doesn't know how i'm going to make it in life... in the real world. this was during the completely erratic driving she was putting me through [seriously 15+ over the speed limit in town. can we say aggressive??] so yeah... she got out of the car to go in a store, and the mad tears started.

in return [not on purpose] i made her cry tonight. she started whining about how much she loved gary, and keeps saying he's "perfect". i said "just because you love him doesn't mean i have to." definitely one of those should have thought before speaking moments. i honestly had no intention of making my mom get all tearful. i kept appologizing, and she sulled up. FINALLY she said "i know". the comment came out of my mouth "i'm so sick of fighting with you. it just doesn't seem right that i'm fighting with you before mother's day, when there are people who would give anything for the mom's to be here." her reply was [i'm not kidding] "well i'm alive... so it's okay if we fight." i think the phrase you're looking for is... well i'll just let you think of your phrase.

today.was.rough. i hate, and i mean HATE, fighting with my mom. it's only gotten worse since she got remarried, and though some of it's me... it stems from the fact that everytime i try to keep something out of the storage buildings ALL my stuff has gone into... i get the "you're never here. why do you need it in the spare room?" i mean... i can't find stuff because everything was literally thrown in boxes, and put in storage. even stuff i probably need. all because gary [and consequently mom] have no respect for my stuff. gary has, on numerous occasions, referred to my stuff as "shit". really dude? it just all goes back to one minute mom says "this is your home. i don't want you to feel displace blah blah blah" to "why does it matter? you don't live here." i can NOT get a break...

my left hand has felt a little tingly tonight. it does it every once in awhile. in december it was my whole arm, but mostly my fingers. it freaks me out so much when that happens because it's not a "oh i was on my arm weird so it fell asleep tingle". it freaks me out so much because mom as Multiple Scerlosis, and it affects the left side of her body. MS can be hereditary. she developed it around my age. i don't tell her. i've told my suitemate. it scares me to death though.

graduation was today. i had mixed emotions... mostly a large mix of sad/jealousy. sad because so many of my friends graduated. jealousy because i wanted so bad to graduate with my friends, and move on. but i'm in for another semester. i'm just ready to graduate so i can move wherever [probably back to my hometown], and be in my own house, with one of my best friends, and know i'm the deciding factor on when i move. i choose. no one else's actions decide. yay!