dunzo

no more projects. [at least not until the fall] praise the Lord!

sometimes when i think my life is out of control, and confusing. i get brought back to reality that some of my friends are going through so much more then me.

i got a phone call last night mid-Grey's Anatomy. it was one of my best friends. i haven't seen her since Thanksgiving, and i get to see her tomorrow... in literally 24 hours. i'm excited. that excitement was put on hold with her call last night. i thought it was going to just be a quick chat about what's happening saturday. but as soon as i picked up the phone i could tell something was wrong. this friend has been through so SO much in the past 3 years. her brother was sent to prison for a year, her dad has osteoporosis so bad that when he sneezes he can break a bone, and now he's going blind. not to mention his emphysema. now she's going through such a time in her life... she feels trapped, and i can't do anything to help her really. her life is stressing her out so much that it's beginning to effect her physically. she already was tiny... she has lost 35 pounds in a year, and is under 100 pounds at 20 years old. my heart is breaking for her right now. i need God to open a door for her before Sunday so she can stay in Arkansas. if she goes back to Oklahoma she's going to end up marrying a boy she doesn't love because she thinks she's in too far. the only thing i can do is pray for her. i almost drove home, or at least to LR, last night just to see her. i've never felt so helpless with a friend. i want to protect her, and make this go away. so much that even today i called to see if there were some job openings at my moms work. i'm desperate for her right now. just last night talking to her was SUCH a roller coaster of emotions because i was angry, sad, frustrated, helpless... i'm a fixer. i can't fix this. i'm going to see her tomorrow... hopefully i can beg her to stay.

did i mention i am fiercely protective of my friends?

i know my problems aren't always going to be as bad as anyone else's, but they are my own. but today... my problems are my friends problems. i have a take on my friend's problems personality.

sometimes i say i don't like being touched. i don't know why either. it's like i'm trying to convince myself that i don't like to be touched. it's weird.

i get confused on the difference between "than" and "then", and i also get confused on when to use "effect" and when to use "affect". so if you see those words misused don't judge me... unless you want to help me

i'm out. i have a headache. i'm kind of irritated because of this dang rain... every time i straighten my hair AND wear a white shirt it rains. seriously. it's the truth.

Grey's is 2 episodes in to the 5 episode return. my life feels a little more normal now. haha

i get my X-Terra back tomorrow. it won't sell because of the gas prices. so today... i am thankful for the gas prices. haha! i hate my mom's car. i know some people aren't even blessed with a car, but my mom's car... it does not make me or my knee happy.