kamp and crazy dreams

i leave for kanakuk in approximately 13 hours and 24 minutes. i. am. excited.

i've been having some crazy dreams lately. consistently, every night since i started an antibiotic for a sinus infection, i have had some cracked out dreams [not to mention the medication makes my mouth taste like i've been sucking on a quarter. very metalish. disgusting.] i'm talking about those dreams that seem so real that when you wake up you are either a] upset about it, or b] can't remember if it really happened or not. there have been two dreams that disturbed me so much i can't stop thinking about them [and the dreams happened at least 2 nights ago]. i'm not going into details on one because it freak me out so bad, but i will talk about the one that made me wake up upset. i dreamed that one of our directors at kamp [Callie and Joel] got divorced. she wasn't working at kamp anymore, and he was. she was having to work at mcdonalds [the mcdonalds part was kind of funny just because it was random but still i was upset]. i'm really close to Callie because literally knows more about me than anyone. so that's one reason i was upset, but the other is because that divorce... it bothered me. my mom's been married 4 times [currently to guy #4]. my directors at kamp, all my former small group leaders, and K-Life people in general who i was close to give me hope that marriages can last. i watch them, and see these healthy, God-centered marriages that don't come without problems but they're great marriages. just from watching them is the only reason i even consider marriage. they make me see it can happen. so the fact that i dreamed Cal and Joel got divorced really messed me up... even though i know it was a completely irrational dream. it's just weird because this is the third disturbing dream i've had involving Cal. i don't know why... i don't dream about anyone else who i'm that close to. it's weird.

me and flyboy [mom's husband numero 4] got along really REALLY well tonight. it was weird. good. but weird. not to mention the guy can grill some fantastic steaks. each New York strip was probably a pound+ of meat. i ate all of it. i don't know how. but i did. anyways... me and flyboy have had major issues, but today was peaceful. which made mine and mom's relationship peaceful. i'm wary though about how long it will last.

i feel myself pushing away from my dad. again. i don't know why.

i've been thinking a lot about things that happened to me growing up. not in a woe-is-me kind of way. but... just really thinking.

i should go get some sleep. and finish packing. i'm down to all the little nit picky things of packing. it is OBNOXIOUS. i just want to be finished, and get to that glorious kamp. my safe haven. where i'm... me.