so i'm sitting here... i should be doing homework... or sleeping so i can get up early and be rested for my student ministry class at 8:30 (why would you make a christian study course that early. i think it's safe to say that God is not okay with that. okay maybe that is extreme... but really.. 8:30?)
however, i'm watching Private Practice (which i taped cause of Tiger Tunes)and typing on here. i can't blame tunes... i don't want to blame tunes. tunes gives me plenty of time to do what i need to do. it's only 3 hours of practice a night. i mean in reality that time would be spent procrastinating anyway. i'm just not able to focus right now. it's funny... this mixture of being tired yet unable to go to bed.
i'm just really overwhelmed with everything. money... or lack there of, school/grades that i try so hard for yet don't get, Tiger Tunes was a blast tonight getting to run through the show and everyone see every else's hard work (unless you're a Beta... i think they practice a week haha). i just feel bored... apathetic... i think i just want change, but i can't have it until december of 2008.
earlier i was looking at a facebook group where you tell your biggest irrational fear... there were things like butterflies (which made me crack up), and things like clowns, oompa loompas, etc.(that i totally have a fear of too). so i feel like writting random confessions right now...
-i can't watch the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory because of the oompa loompas. LOVE the new one, hate the old version.
-i honest to goodness feel really bad for celebrity's when they get plastered all over the tabloids. especially when it's because of some life crisis they are dealing with. they're people too. let them deal with it in peace.
-clowns terrify me. i once RAN from them at Six Flags when they had people dressed up as scary clowns for Halloween. after watching IT for like 2 minutes when i was younger i couldn't take a shower with my back to the drain for weeks. that's where the fear of clowns stemmed.
-in high school i use to be an ESFJ (extroverted Guardian) on the Jung Myer Briggs test, or whatever it's called. when i got to college that "E" changed to an "I". people want to know why, and i can't explain it.
almost everyday i miss the best friend that hasn't been my "best friend" in 4 years. and i can't get over it... even if i say i am.
-for the past 6 months to a year i have been having to fight the decision to either build a relationship with my biological father, or letting my mom get a lawyer and get the money from him that he never paid for child support. if i let her i don't ever have to worry about paying off college, and i lose everything i have worked for in the past year and half. if i don't i get constant nagging and fighting from her, and worsen my relationship with my mom, whose raised me, only to better a relationship with a the man who moved to CA when i was 7 and hadn't seen since i was 9 until last Christmas. you'd think that'd be an easy decision, but it eats away at me everytime i realize there is something else i have to pay for at school
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