titles are hard...

so i started this whole "eating healthy and exercising" thing a month and 3 days ago. so far... i've lost a little over 26 lbs. and i'm proud of me. i'm kind of set back this week because i got completely fried from being out in the sun Saturday. apparently that whole "antibiotics can cause sensitivity to the sun"... yeah they aren't playing. i was out 45 minutes with my legs exposed and they're so burnt that Sunday and Monday i couldn't even walk really. i've missed 2 days of work, and i am going completely stir crazy. and the itching and twinges of pain are starting because my poor abused body is healing from the sun exposure. next time i'm on antibiotics and go out in the sun i shall participate in SPF 100. they make it. i'm using it. anyways... the losing weight thing... i haven't completely cut myself off from foods i love... fried foods are the main thing i've completely nixed from my life. anyways... i know my mom is trying to be helpful, but EVERY FREAKING TIME i mention something i want to eat, particularly mexican [i would kill for some Casa Brava right now] she says "you don't need that. it's fattening". not only does it piss me off, but it hurts my feelings. we're talking cuts deep. it sends me to a place where i debate whether i just want to give up trying to lose weight or if it makes me want to work that much harder.

moving on...

i've been struggling a LOT lately with what i believe... not just my faith [because i'm pretty set in that], but everything else. i just get so bothered by the hate. conservatives hating liberals. races hating races. everyone hating Christians. there is just so much anger, close-mindedness, and wrong opinions. i can't even put it into words half the time because my mind is just RUSHING with all the madness. not to be cliché, but if we all, especially as believers, loved one another our world would be so different. yeah i know that there are things that people are NEVER going to agree with like gay marriage or who our president is or what have you. BUT the thing that bothers me most is half the time i can't blame non-Christians for their views of Christians. from a lot of the stuff i see, and the way i see "Christians" acting... i don't have a great opinion of us most of the time anyway. it's like that book "When Bad Christians Happen to Good People"... i should read that. i see things like a Christian radio thinking it's a good thing that some other countries execute people who are knowingly homosexual. it broke my heart. whether i disagree with the lifestyle or not... DEATH? are you kidding me?! this is not a two wrongs make a right situation. people who claim to follow the God that loves are showing immense hatred. God loved all. he may not have agreed with their lifestyles, but last i checked he didn't stone the prostitute. he told her to get up, turn from her ways, and sin no more. and the Westboro "Baptist" Church in Kansas. that's a cult if i have anything to say about it, but they don't preach a message of love either. theirs is the most hatred i have EVER heard in a church. they claim that the reason they do the things they do like picket soldiers funerals and have signs like "God hates fags" is because they "love" these people and think they need to know that their family members are or are going to hell. last i checked none of us have the ability to add or take away a name in the book of life. i don't know why... this has all just been on my heart lately. i just see what people say in Hollywood about Christians and it bothers me. i just want to know what happened to that person for them to turn away.

off soap box [for now]...

i'm not happy at my job. being a [closet] dreamer... i want to perform. i never thought i'd say it, but i do. i want to sing. dance. act. however, since my dreamer personality is also accompanied with an intense "i can't do big things" concept. i've decided to go back to school. i'm going to be an RN. i really want to work at ACH. and if i'm an RN my possibilities of places to move are ENDLESS... which is right up my ally since i get antsy in a place after about 2 years.

anyways... that's about it. it hasn't been as long since my last blog. progress? maybe...