valentine's day

i have an intense loathing for this day. i wish i looked forward to it, but i cringe when i think about it.

i have increasingly become a cynic. not just for today, but for most days. i'm lonely. i'm bored. i'm not where i need to be in my job, life, relationship with the Lord. i am just here. the only thing that brings me joy is church [which i don't feel worthy of being at], singing, and playing with Tessa... and she can't talk because she's a dog.

i am so much more than this life i'm leading. but for now... i'm just lonely. and mad.

oh my gosh.

i became the bitter, lonely woman, with only a pet to hang out with...

okay... a little extreme... i do have friends. i hang out with them frequently. however... most of them are having/had/wanting to have babies... which just brings up a WHOLE other slew of emotions.

geez...